Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
