The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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