3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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