Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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