Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
