Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
