I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
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Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
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we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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