Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
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I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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