Who did Billy Mays play for?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
