is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
