so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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