On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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