Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
