Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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