You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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