Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
