ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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