why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
