I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
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I'd cum for enchiladas.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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