Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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