Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
