I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
