We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
