i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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