dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
