Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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