I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
