I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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