some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
