Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
