I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
