I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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