her vagine was all disorganized.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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