im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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