i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Found the puke drawer
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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