I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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