help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
