btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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