remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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