Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
