Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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