Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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