I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
