I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
