I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.