We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"