I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come