Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.