I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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