I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
