Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
