Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
