I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
