is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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