I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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