oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
