: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
