There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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