True but thats because hes a fetus.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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