..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
pray to the hookup gods
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
