so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
