Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
