We won't sleep together?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
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If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize