We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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