Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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