the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
