it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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