i just had sex bonerless
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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