she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
