Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
