she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
