those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
