Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
