How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize