I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
