My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize